"Mom on a Mission," stop selling crack

8:00pm on Tuesday evening. Roommates and I are sitting on the couch watching TLC or "When Tigers Attack!" or something. We hear a knock at the door. My roommate goes and answers the door. A tall lady with dark curly hair and glasses holding a plastic bin full of cookies and pastries happily greets all of us. She announces herself as a "mom on a mission".

She is selling baked goods to help pay for a trip to visit her kids in Ohio. They live with her ex-husband. She says they trade custody every other year and this year she's without them. She says she has a bad back and has to wear special shoes so that she can accommodate her walking-heavy, door-to-door mission.

She says she's not begging, but being self sufficient because it's irresponsible to ask the bishop for help. She says she can take a card if we don't have cash and shows us what I only assume is a credit card reader (complete with card logos on it). I'm not sure how it comes up, but she mentions that she has a daughter living off-campus in a similar set-up as us.

My roommates go get their cash and buy croissants and the like.

She turns to me and says, "How about you? Would you like to help?"

I stare back and say, "No, thanks."

My roommates think I'm a heartless wench. The "mom on a mission" leaves -- onto the next apartment to peddle her (crack laced??) pastries.


OK. Before you judge me for being terrible, there's more. In my experience here at BYU, I've seen this lady 3, maybe 4 times. She always says the same exact thing. Always flashes her crazy shoes and tries to get a firm commitment out of everyone in her line of vision. She's always trying to go visit those kids in Ohio. I bought some weird bread the first time I saw her and I think I just gave her cash the second time. I did not eat the bread.

I explain this to my roommates and they are not sure what to think. They are also worried they will die of dysentery, having already begun to partake of the goodies.

The thing is -- I don't know if I buy her story. She's clearly coherent enough to be an awesome sales person. Why doesn't she work at a car dealership? Or a cell phone store? Or... anywhere? If she and Mr. Husband trade custody every other year, why did I see her last year? And the year before? Maybe she does work somewhere and only peddles pastries on the side.

Is she unable to get a job because she's crazy? Why does she think that 20-year-old kids in Provo have an expendable income to help her with her personal problems? News flash: We're all poor and we're all trying to get home to our families (I paid $700 for a plane ticket to go home for Thanksgiving). Perhaps she's just trying to make money without paying taxes on it to support herself. Who knows. It just weirds me out.

Have you seen her? Does anyone have any info on this lady? I googled every combo of words I could think of to turn up results on this lady and came up with nothing. Let me know!


P.S. Mom on a Mission, if you are in fact a Mom on a Mission and you really are just trying to visit your kids in Ohio, I apologize for thinking you're a drug dealer. You still weird me out, though. And I still don't want to give you my money.

P.P.S. It's maybe important to mention that my roommates didn't die of dysentery. They were actually fine.